So Jonathon Ross is back, well I suppose it's good that the Daily Mail and their hoard of zombies didn't win and force the BBC's hand but if I'm honest I'm guttedhe's back.
I just don't get him. I was, in truth, enjoying Live at the Apollo much, much more.
The thing that's always annoys me about Ross is that it always has to be about him. It doesn't matter who he's interviewing he just talks over tham about himself.
Guest "....and so Nelson Mandela picks up my nobel prize off the floor and hands it to Muhammad Ali and says..."
Ross "..well you know I used to be a bit of a boxer myself y;know...oh yes blah blah blah"
He's a likable guy and that's why he gets away with it but please, be happy letting someone else have the limlight.
Showing posts with label Jonathon Ross. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jonathon Ross. Show all posts
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Let's just forget about this Russel Brand, Jonathon Ross, Andrew Sachs, Georgina Baillie controversy.
So judging by the dizzying amount of web traffic we are seeing here at GarstonTowers shows just how interested people are in this Russel Brand, Jonathon Ross, Andrew Sachs, Georgina Baillie controversy.
It does open up a lot of debates, most of them needless. Let's boil it down. So far two comedians did massively distasteful prank, the BBC production crew didn't bin it...in fact they actually bent the rules to ensure it went out, 2 people complained. A week or so later there's been tens of thousands of complaints, the BBC has lost one of it's most talented comedians and some trollope low-grade stripogram who happens to have a famous grand-father will make a mint (mainly from the same newspapers who are currently feigning moral outrage).
I just don't understand why people are trying to open these wider debates. It doesn't highlight the fact that the BBC is out of control, it doesn't highlight the decline of comedy standards, it doesn't highlight a general decline in society and it doesn't highlight hypocrisy in people's moral double standards. I think if you boil it all down 90% of this 'outrage' is down to people having an axe to grind against the BBC.
It does open up a lot of debates, most of them needless. Let's boil it down. So far two comedians did massively distasteful prank, the BBC production crew didn't bin it...in fact they actually bent the rules to ensure it went out, 2 people complained. A week or so later there's been tens of thousands of complaints, the BBC has lost one of it's most talented comedians and some trollope low-grade stripogram who happens to have a famous grand-father will make a mint (mainly from the same newspapers who are currently feigning moral outrage).
I just don't understand why people are trying to open these wider debates. It doesn't highlight the fact that the BBC is out of control, it doesn't highlight the decline of comedy standards, it doesn't highlight a general decline in society and it doesn't highlight hypocrisy in people's moral double standards. I think if you boil it all down 90% of this 'outrage' is down to people having an axe to grind against the BBC.
I think ultimately Brand has done the right thing, Ross should possibly do the same (How about ensuring the OFCOM fine comes out of your salary rather than the programming budget Jonathon). The BBC staffers will probably lose their jobs and possibly that's right too. At the core of this is a pretty nasty little stunt. I think it does highlight weird nature of the BBC. It is tasked with providing great quality programming and beloved special interest programming PLUS cutting edge music & comedy. When you think of it like that surely messes like this are going to happen every now and then.
The worry is that the whole thing got broadcast...the people at the BBC should always keep their responsibilities in mind, coming on the back of the phone vote scandals you hope that there isn't a culture of carte blanche operating in some areas of the corporation.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Russel Brand, Georgina Baillie (aka Voluptua) and Andrew Sachs
This whole Russel Brand, Jonathon Ross, Andrew Sachs & Georgina Ballie (aka Voluptua) thing is just ridiculous.
It has to be said what on earth where the BBC doing broadcasting this? It's a pre-recorded show. Who on earth thinks that's acceptable. The only conclusion is controversy mongering and pathetic forced outrageousness. To a degree I don't blame the two egos involves...the production staff want their heads smashing together.
Russell Brand (RB): “This is Andrew Sachs’s answerphone. Right Jonathan, well this is unconventional..
Jonathan Ross (JR): “Don’t worry I’ll blurt something out”
RB: “Don’t blurt something out, not on the answerphone Jonathan.
Andrew Sachs’s answerphone: “Sorry I can’t answer at the moment, but please call again or leave a message. Speak after the tone, thank you.”
RB: “Hello Andrew Sachs this is Russell Brand. I am a great appreciator of your work over the decades. You’re meant to be on my show now mate, I don’t know why you’re not answering the phone, it’s a bit difficult - I’m here with Jonathan Ross.”
JR: “Hello Andrew...”
RB: “That’s Jonathan Ross speaking now. Anyway, we understand.. anyway.. we can still do the interview to his answerphone...”
(The two presenters exchange banter)
JR: “He f***** your granddaughter!” (laughter)... I’m sorry I apologise.
Andrew I apologise... I got excited, what can I say. it just came out.“
RB: “Andrew Sachs, I did not do nothing with Georgina - oh no I’ve revealed I know her name! Oh no it’s a disaster.
“Abort, abort. Please watch that show. I am out of The Bill, starring Andrew Sachs, I’m out of The Bill... Put the phone down, put the phone down, code red code red. I’m sorry Mr Fawlty I’m sorry, they’re a waste of space...”
JR: “... How could I carry that round in my head like a big brain blister all day? I had to pop it and let the pressure out...
“Like it’s really bothered us though, he’s the poor man sitting at home sobbing over his answer machine...
“If he’s like most people of a certain age he’s probably got a picture of his grandchildren when they’re young right by the phone.
“So while he’s listening to the messages he’s looking at a picture of her about nine on a swing.”
RB: “She was on a swing when I met her. Oh no!”
JR: “And probably enjoyed her.”
RB: “Let’s ring back Andrew Sachs... What if he answers this time? Oh no Jonathan please. I’ll do anything.”
(Andrew Sachs’s answerphone message comes on for a second time.)
RB: Andrew this is Russell Brand. I’m so sorry about the last message. It was part of the radio show. It was a mistake.“
JR: “It was just a joke. If there is any truth in that, I don’t know. It was just a joke.”
RB: “It was just a joke that we done. I didn’t ask him to say it though...”
JR: “It might be true, but we didn’t want to break it to you in such a harsh way.”
RB: “Ok, look the truth is, Andrew I’m ringing you to ask if I can marry, that’s right marry your granddaughter, Georgina the granddaughter.”
JR: “And I’d like to be a page boy.”
RB: He wants to be a page boy. We’re going to have a Fawlty Towers-themed wedding.“
JR: “No, no, you’ve spoiled it...”
RB: “No I’m sorry I’ll do anything. I wore a condom. Put the phone down. Oh, what’s going to happen?...”
JR: “You’ll never become king rat in the Variety Club now Russell Brand.”
RB: “Oh no that’s over for me. I’m never going to be king rat in the Variety Club. Jonathan I think we’ve made the situation worse.”
JR: “Who’d have thought two people like us could possibly have made the situation worse.”
RB: “How could we with all our skills, our social skills, our talents our experiences.”
JR: “Our intentions were pure.”
RB: “You know the only way we can make this better don’t you?”
JR: “Let’s phone him again. Let’s leave a nice message.”
RB: “Listen, we’ve got to make it better. We’ll phone Andrew Sachs back. We’ve got to stop upsetting Manuel. This time Jonathan I’m convinced we can make it better.”
JR: “What should we not mention, the war?”
RB: “Don’t mention the war, don’t mention his granddaughter. Don’t say: ’You only ever played Manuel’... Don’t mention The Bill in a negative way. Yes! We’ll just sing to him. I’ll make up something as I go along.”
JR: “I’ll be Bing Crosby to your David Bowie.”
RB: “I’ve always seen our relationship as a Christmas-themed hit.”
(The answerphone message plays again).
JR: (as the message plays): “She was bent over the couch...”
RB (singing): “I’d like to apologise for these terrible attacks - Andrew Sachs.
“I’d like to show contrition to the max, Andrew Sachs.
“I’d like to create world peace, between the yellow, whites and blacks Andrew Sachs, Andrew Sachs.
“I said some things I didn’t of oughta, like I had sex with your granddaughter.
“But it was consensual and she wasn’t menstrual it was consensual lovely sex.
“It’s full of respect. I sent her a text. I’ve asked her to marry me...
“Oh Andrew Sachs, will you marry Jonathan, it sounds like he wants to now.”
JR: “This has made it worse, I feel it’s made it worse, you’ve trivialised the whole terrible incident. It started fine and then you went on about nonsense.”
RB: “You said you wanted to marry him...”
JR: “I wasn’t really listening to you, I was concentrating on my back harmonies... There’s only one way we could possibly make this better.”
(Brand laughs)
RB: “What can we do?”
JR: “Let’s use up the rest of his tape, this time with a heartfelt and sincere apology... Pretend you’re Gordon Brown and make a beautiful speech rescuing the country from the credit crunch and rescue him from the inner turmoil you’ve caused by saying that you jumped on a relative.”
RB: “Yes, you’re right Jonathan, you’re right. Only by doing the exact thing that we’ve done three times already can we make the situation better.”
JR: “If you learn one thing from history, it’s do not repeat your mistakes.”
RB: “Don’t repeat them.”
JR: “So let’s do it right this time.”
RB: “Thank God Jonathan.”
JR: “Maybe this time... I want to do the song this time.”
RB: “You’re not doing the lyrics. You’ll balls it up. And can’t do backing it’s not in my nature.”
JR: “But you talked about his granddaughter’s menstruation.”
RB: “Look we’ve got a golden opportunity here, to make Andrew Sachs happy.”
JR: “... we should go in a little bit more relaxed this time.”
RB: “Right yeah that’s true, let’s not look at this as the last time we’re going to call Andrew Sachs.”
(Ross laughs)
JR: “... The wonder of technology is such that we can keep doing this for hours.”
RB: “And even after the show’s finished Jonathan we can find out where Andrew Sachs lives, kick his front door in and scream apologies into his bottom... We can just keep on troubling Andrew Sachs... let’s do it, right, ok.
“You pretend you’re Andrew Sachs’s answerphone.”
JR: “Hello, Manuel is not in right now. Leave your message after the tone.”
RB (as the phone rings again): “Alright Andrew Sachs’s answerphone, I’m ever so sorry for what I said about Andrew Sachs.”
JR: “Just say: ’Sorry’.”
RB (laughing): “I’ll kill you!”
JR: “Don’t say you’ll wear him as a hat, just say: ’Sorry’.”
RB: “Sorry, right.”
It has to be said what on earth where the BBC doing broadcasting this? It's a pre-recorded show. Who on earth thinks that's acceptable. The only conclusion is controversy mongering and pathetic forced outrageousness. To a degree I don't blame the two egos involves...the production staff want their heads smashing together.
Russell Brand (RB): “This is Andrew Sachs’s answerphone. Right Jonathan, well this is unconventional..
Jonathan Ross (JR): “Don’t worry I’ll blurt something out”
RB: “Don’t blurt something out, not on the answerphone Jonathan.
Andrew Sachs’s answerphone: “Sorry I can’t answer at the moment, but please call again or leave a message. Speak after the tone, thank you.”
RB: “Hello Andrew Sachs this is Russell Brand. I am a great appreciator of your work over the decades. You’re meant to be on my show now mate, I don’t know why you’re not answering the phone, it’s a bit difficult - I’m here with Jonathan Ross.”
JR: “Hello Andrew...”
RB: “That’s Jonathan Ross speaking now. Anyway, we understand.. anyway.. we can still do the interview to his answerphone...”
(The two presenters exchange banter)
JR: “He f***** your granddaughter!” (laughter)... I’m sorry I apologise.
Andrew I apologise... I got excited, what can I say. it just came out.“
RB: “Andrew Sachs, I did not do nothing with Georgina - oh no I’ve revealed I know her name! Oh no it’s a disaster.
“Abort, abort. Please watch that show. I am out of The Bill, starring Andrew Sachs, I’m out of The Bill... Put the phone down, put the phone down, code red code red. I’m sorry Mr Fawlty I’m sorry, they’re a waste of space...”
JR: “... How could I carry that round in my head like a big brain blister all day? I had to pop it and let the pressure out...
“Like it’s really bothered us though, he’s the poor man sitting at home sobbing over his answer machine...
“If he’s like most people of a certain age he’s probably got a picture of his grandchildren when they’re young right by the phone.
“So while he’s listening to the messages he’s looking at a picture of her about nine on a swing.”
RB: “She was on a swing when I met her. Oh no!”
JR: “And probably enjoyed her.”
RB: “Let’s ring back Andrew Sachs... What if he answers this time? Oh no Jonathan please. I’ll do anything.”
(Andrew Sachs’s answerphone message comes on for a second time.)
RB: Andrew this is Russell Brand. I’m so sorry about the last message. It was part of the radio show. It was a mistake.“
JR: “It was just a joke. If there is any truth in that, I don’t know. It was just a joke.”
RB: “It was just a joke that we done. I didn’t ask him to say it though...”
JR: “It might be true, but we didn’t want to break it to you in such a harsh way.”
RB: “Ok, look the truth is, Andrew I’m ringing you to ask if I can marry, that’s right marry your granddaughter, Georgina the granddaughter.”
JR: “And I’d like to be a page boy.”
RB: He wants to be a page boy. We’re going to have a Fawlty Towers-themed wedding.“
JR: “No, no, you’ve spoiled it...”
RB: “No I’m sorry I’ll do anything. I wore a condom. Put the phone down. Oh, what’s going to happen?...”
JR: “You’ll never become king rat in the Variety Club now Russell Brand.”
RB: “Oh no that’s over for me. I’m never going to be king rat in the Variety Club. Jonathan I think we’ve made the situation worse.”
JR: “Who’d have thought two people like us could possibly have made the situation worse.”
RB: “How could we with all our skills, our social skills, our talents our experiences.”
JR: “Our intentions were pure.”
RB: “You know the only way we can make this better don’t you?”
JR: “Let’s phone him again. Let’s leave a nice message.”
RB: “Listen, we’ve got to make it better. We’ll phone Andrew Sachs back. We’ve got to stop upsetting Manuel. This time Jonathan I’m convinced we can make it better.”
JR: “What should we not mention, the war?”
RB: “Don’t mention the war, don’t mention his granddaughter. Don’t say: ’You only ever played Manuel’... Don’t mention The Bill in a negative way. Yes! We’ll just sing to him. I’ll make up something as I go along.”
JR: “I’ll be Bing Crosby to your David Bowie.”
RB: “I’ve always seen our relationship as a Christmas-themed hit.”
(The answerphone message plays again).
JR: (as the message plays): “She was bent over the couch...”
RB (singing): “I’d like to apologise for these terrible attacks - Andrew Sachs.
“I’d like to show contrition to the max, Andrew Sachs.
“I’d like to create world peace, between the yellow, whites and blacks Andrew Sachs, Andrew Sachs.
“I said some things I didn’t of oughta, like I had sex with your granddaughter.
“But it was consensual and she wasn’t menstrual it was consensual lovely sex.
“It’s full of respect. I sent her a text. I’ve asked her to marry me...
“Oh Andrew Sachs, will you marry Jonathan, it sounds like he wants to now.”
JR: “This has made it worse, I feel it’s made it worse, you’ve trivialised the whole terrible incident. It started fine and then you went on about nonsense.”
RB: “You said you wanted to marry him...”
JR: “I wasn’t really listening to you, I was concentrating on my back harmonies... There’s only one way we could possibly make this better.”
(Brand laughs)
RB: “What can we do?”
JR: “Let’s use up the rest of his tape, this time with a heartfelt and sincere apology... Pretend you’re Gordon Brown and make a beautiful speech rescuing the country from the credit crunch and rescue him from the inner turmoil you’ve caused by saying that you jumped on a relative.”
RB: “Yes, you’re right Jonathan, you’re right. Only by doing the exact thing that we’ve done three times already can we make the situation better.”
JR: “If you learn one thing from history, it’s do not repeat your mistakes.”
RB: “Don’t repeat them.”
JR: “So let’s do it right this time.”
RB: “Thank God Jonathan.”
JR: “Maybe this time... I want to do the song this time.”
RB: “You’re not doing the lyrics. You’ll balls it up. And can’t do backing it’s not in my nature.”
JR: “But you talked about his granddaughter’s menstruation.”
RB: “Look we’ve got a golden opportunity here, to make Andrew Sachs happy.”
JR: “... we should go in a little bit more relaxed this time.”
RB: “Right yeah that’s true, let’s not look at this as the last time we’re going to call Andrew Sachs.”
(Ross laughs)
JR: “... The wonder of technology is such that we can keep doing this for hours.”
RB: “And even after the show’s finished Jonathan we can find out where Andrew Sachs lives, kick his front door in and scream apologies into his bottom... We can just keep on troubling Andrew Sachs... let’s do it, right, ok.
“You pretend you’re Andrew Sachs’s answerphone.”
JR: “Hello, Manuel is not in right now. Leave your message after the tone.”
RB (as the phone rings again): “Alright Andrew Sachs’s answerphone, I’m ever so sorry for what I said about Andrew Sachs.”
JR: “Just say: ’Sorry’.”
RB (laughing): “I’ll kill you!”
JR: “Don’t say you’ll wear him as a hat, just say: ’Sorry’.”
RB: “Sorry, right.”
Ultimately you know that Ross & Brand will get away with it, the staffers will get sacked and Ms Baillie and her Satanic Sluts Burlesque act (whatever the hell that is) will laugh all the way to the bank.
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